at work, staring down at my keyboard

It's not that I expect to have all the answers to my future and the path to success. I came from a hard working family that was never handed anything. I am pretty hard on myself and definitely my worst critic.

There has to be some sort of diner by the side of this road. Or a bank full of free money or a petting zoo. Or a gas station to relieve the pressure. But I always find in these moments that I'm at the point on the highway 120 km from the next rest stop.

I suppose then I will keep on keeping on in this depressing business of music. I feel like I need to get back to the place where sitting in a room alone with a scared voice was fun. The sound of my own voice scared me, but I wrote songs for myself and didn't worry about what the world outside my door thought because I kept myself so well disguised, there was no way of them ever knowing.

Music = secret place.
music = sacred.

I think people sometimes forget that. I know I do.

"deck the halls, I'm young again, I'm you again..."

On Tuesday I went to the Tori Amos show at the Hummingbird Centre. My friend Josh got me fourth row center seats, right in front of her piano.

I bought the ticket, mildly concerned that I wouldn't enjoy the show due to lack of love for the new material. I worried that it would be all new songs. I think herein is Tori's retrospective career touring, the time where she starts to play three songs from every record. And I loved it.

It was a total rock show. She came out and rolled around on the floor, grabbed her crotch, gave us the finger, you know, all those rock show elements. On this tour I believe she has different characters that she can be, and obviously for the first half she was a total 'bad ass'.

Then the second half was her dressed in this gold sequin jump suit.

Without rambling on and on about it, I will just say a few things. The end of Space Dog found me with uncontrollable tears rolling down my face, a solo version of Winter was equally heart aching, and overall the crazy Tori fans that were flipping themselves out all over the place were highly entertaining.

I was inspired by her. She has the ability to keep doing what she's doing and is a very interesting musician. I had been on a real 'full band' kick there with my own music-the idea of needing a group of musicians to make this next record soar. But she showed me again that solo performance can be breathtaking and super emotional. So woo-hoo to both.

p.s. mom, I cut my hair off.

Yey WALRUS!

I was so happy when my first issue of WALRUS Magazine subscription showed up in the mailbox. After two long months, I peered inside to find the type of magazine that I keep between two pieces of plastic! And what were the chances that it is the Special Arctic Issue? That deserves some explaining.

My friend Karen has moved to Iqaluit, Nunavut for a newspaper editor position. As I begin reading through the stories of life in the arctic tundra, it is all very relative to the stories Karen spurted out in one long sentence before she left, her face lit up with curiosity. I highly recommend that everyone goes to the news stand for this issue. I feel as Canadians, we aren't informed or exposed to this part of our country enough.

I'm sure as I read on, I will be more and more fascinated by this area of the world.

It reminds me of the desire to find one place-only one place in this entire world that has not been discovered by man. Could you imagine?

Back in November 2006, while on a flight to Japan, we passed over seemingly endless miles of white mountainous nothingness. The only existence below was one winding string of train tracks, in and out of the mountains. Head glued to the tiny window, I considered that yes, this space had been inhabited, at least long enough to build these tracks for en route cargo. But the empty stillness of a clean slate put a good taste of solitary existence in my mouth. The woman sitting behind me saw my fascination and explained that her and her husband had gone on a month trek through the arctic. I can't remember exactly where she had gone, but she said it was amazing. She was a traveling pianist professor, giving lectures and what not to private school kids in different countries.

Here is the Arctic Issue on Walrus Magazine's website. It's just a sample though!

Also, watch Happy Feet, those penguins can dance.
--------------------

I'm going to mention one more thing. A documentary has resurfaced from my DVD collection called Born Into Brothels. This documentary filmmaker went into the red light district of Calcutta and stayed with families in the brothels. The children that partake in her Kids With A Camera classes have priceless personalities. They learn everything to do with composition and critiquing. Basically it is a way of seeing this world in the eyes of the children and the pictures they shoot are amazing. It reveals a lot about their home lives and the brutal realities of these young girl's families forcing them into prostitution for a living at a very young age. These people have to sell sex, drugs and alcohol illegally to make ends meet. Because of poverty and unprotected sex, I got the sense that a lot of these children were merely a means to get the chores done and survive. There didn't seem to be much love in the house hold. One child's mother died during the documentary's filming because her pimp had set her on fire. It is horrifying.

I think I fought back tears every ten minutes in this documentary, but it is also fun and you'll find yourself laughing out loud with these kids. I love seeing the joy that photography brought to their lives.

The documentary's website has more info. You can view their photographs and get a recent update on them. I found this documentary on eBay. I love it!





wwweeeeeee! That's all. Bye now!

Rainbow-bright

The new Radiohead sounds so incredible from the little I've heard. I'm stuck though. I go to the site and I could easily pay $1.00 for the currently unreleased album, via they're 'pay-what-you-feel-like' system. The album doesn't come out until December or next year...or something. I want to buy the physical record! My curiosity is killing me!

I think they're system is a brave yet brilliant one for the band. I doubt everyone could do what they're doing, but it definitely works for them, seeing as I can't go through their website's system without the guilt weighing on my shoulders. I think people will respect the new model and actually pay SOMETHING for their record. And because it is an independent release, the band stands to make more money off the small donations people leave through the site's purchase then if the record was sold in stores, through a label.

So I think this is what I will do. I will avoid the online digital version purchase, listen to a friend's 'copy' of the record until said record is released into a tangible, hot in my hands, record. Otherwise I will be paying twice as much for the album.

In the meantime, here is a nice little free download ditty. I found it somewhere online.

Radiohead - Reckoner mp3

Alright, so it's been a while. Thanksgiving takes up four days and then the recovery from the turkey is about 2 days. Throw in a bunch of double shift days and complete exhaustion, and you got yourself an absent blogger.

I have now completed a four song demo, amidst the busy days of the past two weeks.

Valerygore.com will be revamped starting this weekend. It's been a good five years since that site went up. It's going to be much easier to maintain and update by myself.

I really have nothing to say here. So I will wait another couple days until something exciting happens.

angora

angora
wrists itch
things of early year
dissolve in the wind

it's what you wanted
feathers in your hair
it's what you wanted
and it won't come

mellodrama
days end
things that remind you
pick up and turn over cars

it's what we wanted
to tell our story
it's what we wanted
and it won't come

linted, neck thick
things of static
show up in the light

it's what you wanted
to show the world
it's what you wanted
and it won't come

under